My Shane, today has been a horrible day. I miss you so very much and its just so painful and draining. I hate the person I have become, this wimpy tearful person who breaks down at the least expected moment. I know many think Im crazy and many days I think they are right. I dont remember the last time I really smiled or laughed. I try to pretend so people wont think me so depressing but it is all fake and phoney. i have met some wonderful other moms and know that you have met their angels and ya'll have put us together to help each other walk down this curved pit filled road. It seems like every time I fall into one of these pits, they get deeper and much harder to pull myself out of them. I just feel like staying in bed some days, no energy or reason to get up anymore. I find myselk constantly looking for signs from you and then wonder if I am inventing these signs in my mind to feel closer to you? I cant even write anymore Son as tears are pouring. Please let me feel you close to me. I love...
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Posted at: 10:18 PM | 1 Comment | Add Comment | Permalink
Shane, my son, does it ever get better? i hear others say it does or at least gets different? I love and miss you so very much and still cry every single day. Is heaven as beautiful as described? I feel you here with you alot but I want to see you, kiss you, hug you. My God, this is so unfair..................... Thank you and God for sending the other angel moms to me. I know you did this to help us get thru each day cause I wouldnt even get out of bed without them. When you left I went to bed to die and I would have if it hadnt been for Shawn & Colton. Then Bry and Bree came along. How you would love them, Bry is soooooooo much like you, expressions, looks, thoughts and he's smart like you also, loves to read. When you was killed I started therapy for awhile and they told me to write to you since we both commununicated so much with writing, poetry, stories, letters, etc. So I thought about starting this blog for awhile and finally found this and am trying it out. Please send me signs...
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Posted at: 10:38 PM | Permalink
